


Am I Worthy?

by Elahyra



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Crack, I swear I don't know what's happening, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23213833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elahyra/pseuds/Elahyra
Summary: It’s now or never, that’s what they always say, right?
Relationships: Chinen Yuri/Yamada Ryosuke
Kudos: 10





	Am I Worthy?

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my files for so long, I thought it's time I finally finish this and forget that I once wrote something like this.   
> Please have fun?

_ "You don't get to do this. You don't get to use his heart as you please. He has given you, trusted you with this beautiful thing, but that does not give you the right to use it as recklessly as you are doing right now. So even before it shatters to the point of no return, I'm taking this back from you. Not until you can prove to me that you are worthy of his heart. _

_ "So please, I beg of you. Leave him alone. Give him some time. Give yourself some time. God knows you both need it." _

How long had it been since those words were said to him? He didn’t want to remember, if he was being honest. But if he didn’t hear those words, would he realize what he was doing all along? 

_ I don’t even want to think about it.  _

In the end, he was grateful that someone was brave enough to tell his faults. It was a shock, a massive one enough to shake his whole being, but it was a shock he needed to have. But along with the shock, a door suddenly appeared right in front of his face and showed him a part of his reality that he didn’t even know existed. 

Now, he'd find himself being able to find him in the midst of a massive crowd, every individual reducing to nothing, all his attention focused on him. He wanted to stop looking, because every time their eyes met, his eyes would go wide, like he had seen some ghost, like he was the last thing he thought he'd see in the face of the Earth. And in just a flicker of a second, his face would lose the glint in his eyes, that sweet smile, and all the happiness that was once there and would morph into something unintelligible that would always pierce through his heart. 

He wanted to approach him, he really did. Multiple times, in fact. But every time his heart would somehow muster the courage, he’d remember those words.

_ "Not until you can prove to me that you are worthy of his heart." _

_ But will I ever be worthy of his heart? _

  
  


It was like fate had played with their own little life strings, and they somehow bumped into each other. And him, Yamada Ryosuke, for all good things in the world, lost his sanity and the first three words his stupid mouth came up was, “Can we talk?”

He knew it's the time he had been waiting for all this time. 

_ It’s now or never, that’s what they always say, right?  _

"I know you'd love to get away from me as soon as possible. I know that. I would too if I were you. But at least let me say this.” He took the deepest breath he’d made in months, years even. ”I have been practicing for this, you know? That one day I'll have the courage to face you and say these words." 

But that didn't mean that he wanted this to happen. Because he knew that once they started this conversation, this would also be their last. 

Ryosuke stopped, looking at him. He had his head hung low, stiff as a statue, blocking any kind of reaction to be read. Seeing that he couldn't find one he took another breath, faced the man in front of him with determination in his eyes and continued, "I'm sorry. I don't want to give excuses, what I did was the worst and I know that. I wasn't able to truly see you as you are and I was stuck in the past, neglecting that I have something more precious in the present. I will not ask for you to get back to me, I do not have that right. 

“But I want you to know that you are the most wonderful, beautiful, magnificent thing that has happened in my entire life and do not ever question what I have said just because of what I have done to you. You are far more valuable than what you think you are. You didn't deserve everything I've put you through. You deserve only the best. 

"So... that's that. Thank you for everything. I will forever wish you the best. Even if that forever does not include me."

His head remained low. Not a single muscle in his body was moving. Seeing he wasn’t going to receive any sort of response, he stood up to leave. 

"Did you ever love me?”

Ryosuke looked back, his eyes deeply staring at his.

"Look, all the time we were together, what I feel you, everything I did for you, all of that was genuine. I was just a complete idiot, too blind to understand what I was actually feeling. I could have spared you from all this pain, but I didn't. And that will be one of my biggest regrets in my life. So if there is one thing that I want you to remember, that is how much I love you."

"You love me," he repeated Ryosuke's last words, dumbfounded as if it's the most impossible thing in the world. 

"Yuri, listen to me." Ryosuke looked at him and this time, even if Yuri wanted to take his eyes off of him, he couldn't. Not when he could finally see that Ryosuke was now actually  _ looking  _ at him. "I. Love. You. If I have to spend my entire life letting you know that I love you, even if you don't feel the same, I'll do it anyway." 

Yuri’s eyes blinked rapidly, trying to clear his blurry vision from the tears forming from his eyes. 

Ryosuke had played this scenario in his head, trying to come up with all the outcomes possible. 

One possibility he did not come up was Yuri smiling gently, holding his hand as he walk him back home. 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment! I hope you liked it!


End file.
